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Shrimp, Snails, and the Limits of the Modern State
I went to the aquarium convention with the same quiet confidence that precedes all personal downfalls. I told myself I was “just going to browse.” Famous last words. Two aisles in and I’m doing…
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Ghost of Yotei: Zen and the Art of Equine Maintenance
I’ve played plenty of open-world games where a stoic hero in too many layers seeks vengeance for a dead village, family, or possibly an emotionally significant pet. But Ghosts of Yotei actually made me…
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I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Masseuse Overlords
I have seen the future. And it has hydraulic arms. I got my first AI robot massage this last weekend, and I learned that the human touch is vastly overrated. Why would I ever…
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Why Am I Still Bad at Sleep, the One Thing I’ve Been Practicing Since Birth?
I have been sleeping for literally my entire life. It’s the one skill you’re supposed to master before you even learn to hold your own head up. Babies do it. Cats do it. Some…
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Hawaii: Paradise, Now With 400% More Spam
I finally went to Hawaii, and honestly? It’s exactly what you imagine, only with more Spam and fewer actual native animals. Let me walk you through the highlights of this tropical fever dream where…
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I Trained Gen Z for a Week and All I Got Was a Personality Crisis
I went into this week thinking I was going to be the wise, experienced mentor—passing down my hard-earned knowledge of email etiquette and how to survive a meeting that should’ve been an email. What…
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Potty Training, Parasites, and Passive-Aggressive Cats: The Moose Chronicles
It all started with a text from my fiancé. Just a few harmless photos of adult long-haired Frenchies. “Look how cute they are,” he said. Famous last words. Because now, we have Moose —…
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Stealth is for Cowards: My Loud, Messy Love Affair with Mafia
I started Mafia with the best of intentions. I really did. I thought, this time I’ll be smart. I’ll crouch, I’ll sneak, I’ll silently choke out some poor guard who definitely has a family…
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My Team Is Just Me (and We’re Thriving, Thanks for Asking)
I love to watch corporate people in the wild. It’s like birdwatching, but instead of plumage, it’s PowerPoints. My favorite species is the Manager Who Has a Team™. You know the type: slides into…
Frequently Wrong, Rarely in Doubt 